Category: words and phrases

I write laughs, but I want to write larves.

In between doing some very interesting research on what is diversity and trying to work out whether my new joke about monkey’s brains is really teh funny or teh not, I have just been reading about this thing called truthiness which I suppose you already knew all about, but I, leading a sheltered life from Adelaide did not.

I wish there were more chances to snort then say there’s a bee’s dick in it.

When people say it’s rough as guts, I always think but aren’t guts smooth.

‘You look lovely.’

‘So, I pass the mustard then?’

Why is this state called South Australia, while the entity above us is called the Northern Territory, and that to our left is called Western Australia?

Well, the Northern Territory is obviously Northern, because it’s the Northern Territory and we aren’t the Southern Australia. But still…

In the deli where I sometimes stop to pick my daily newspapers up (you can choose from The Advertiser, The Australian, The Age, and The Financial Review and I choose two every day, but a different two depending on the day), a detailed conversation about the fingerprinting powder used by the police (they used black powder on the outside of the car which was white, white powder on the inside of the car which was navy – it was a terror to get off – and in the end it wasn’t the police caught the little bugger anyway it was us, we found his keys, just down in that space you know between the seat and the door, not easy to see, but you know, they were the police, and the keys had his name and address on them! Never forget that name, will we?) and the whole conversation ended with the following:

‘I thought you were incincerating I had to be fingerprinted!’